Your spouse walks up and says, “Hey, can we talk about something that happened earlier?” You say sure. Then they tell you that when you corrected your son about the dishes, you came on too strong. And before they even finish the sentence, something in you tightens up. You hear yourself say, “You’re being too … Read more
If your spouse broke your trust and you’re still here, still trying, still wondering whether it’s safe to believe them again, I want you to know something before I say anything else. The exhaustion you feel is not weakness. You have been let down, maybe more than once, and something in you keeps bracing for … Read more
Are you struggling with something right now?
Maybe you’re anxious about something at work. Maybe you and your spouse have been fighting more than you used to. Maybe one of your kids is having a hard time, and it’s wearing you down. Maybe you’ve lost someone, or you just feel disconnected from people in a way you can’t shake.
Whatever it is, here’s what I notice in my office. When we struggle long enough, the struggle starts to feel like us.
Life has a way of handing us moments we never asked for. Breakups in our teenage years, a loss on the football field we poured everything into, conflicts with people we love, or setbacks in work we’ve built with our own hands. I’ve lived all of those. And if you’re honest with yourself, you probably have too.
We all want to be known as capable, good at what we do, and worthy of respect and love. Sometimes we try to define ourselves by our strengths. Men, in particular, often anchor their identity to their careers. But perhaps even more common, and more damaging, is how many of us define ourselves by our failures and the painful things that have happened to us.
You know that silence after a fight — the one where you’re both in the same house but somehow miles apart? Maybe someone stomped off to another room, or the conversation just stopped. Nobody won. Nobody feels good. And the thing you were actually arguing about is still an elephant in the room, unresolved. If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. The truth is, EVERY couple fights. No one wants to fight, but it happens. Here’s the more important question: Are those fights bringing you closer or slowly pulling you apart?
I remember sitting in class—probably around third grade—and seeing that quote plastered on a poster. I read it almost daily and tried to understand what it meant. My third-grade brain couldn’t fully grasp the idea of a “mindset.” But later in life, I got it.
The way you think impacts the way you live, and sometimes the direction your life takes. Every day, your mind has countless opportunities to focus on what’s good, what’s hard, what’s threatening, what’s hopeful, or what’s possible. And what you focus on tends to become a pattern. Patterns shape choices. Choices shape behaviors. And behaviors shape outcomes.
(Understanding emotional plateaus, patterns, and when support helps) Sometimes I wake up and feel like I’m not making progress—no matter how much effort I’m putting in. I’m trying. I care. I’ve set goals. But it still feels like I can’t get traction. I call that feeling stuck. Maybe your mind feels foggy. Maybe you’re overloaded. … Read more
A new year has a way of stirring hope—and honesty. Many of us step into January quietly, hoping we don’t repeat the same struggles from last year. We want progress. Consistency. A sense that we’re moving forward, not just restarting the same cycle with a new calendar.
From a therapeutic perspective, reflection is often far healthier and more effective than jumping straight into resolutions. Reflection allows space to acknowledge what has happened, how it has impacted us, and what we truly need moving forward. Before deciding where you want to go, it’s important to understand where you’ve been.
Inspired by This Year for Christmas by Phil Wickham As you get together with your family this year, it’s important to focus on what matters most! Over the past few years, our family has not been able to follow the traditions we have had because of illness, loss, and other factors. It seems like every … Read more
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