Brandon Coussens, LMFT 
Have you ever wondered why you just can’t connect to your spouse? Or maybe they are acting differently? They don’t seem happy and are not interested in doing much. Maybe your husband is more angry and irritable lately. Or your wife is crying more than usual and expressing more fear or anxiety throughout her day.
Have you ever woken up and felt terrible? You didn’t want to get out of bed? Or, have you ever just felt angry or agitated for something that did not seem like that big of a deal later? Depression is confusing! Sometimes you don’t know why you feel so bad. You certainly are not sure how to snap out of it! The DSM-V (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual V) was created to help counselors, psychologists, doctors, and psychiatrists to have a standardized method of defining depression.
As we have discussed in a previous post about the 5 Love Languages, love languages can give insight into how you and your partner give and receive love. This time we will specifically discuss quality time, and 3 tips on how to prioritize your partner whose primary love language is quality time.
Self-care: the practice of taking action to preserve or improve one’s own health or the practice of taking an active role in protecting one’s own well-being and happiness, in particular during periods of stress.
Have you ever given your partner a gift, but they just didn’t seem too excited about receiving it? Maybe you felt disappointed that they did not react more enthusiastically. Or have you ever gotten frustrated because you want to go out and do something together, while your partner doesn’t seem to make an effort to create quality time together?
Well, these scenarios might be happening because you and your partner don’t fully understand each other’s love languages. A great resource for this topic is Dr. Gary Chapman’s book The Five Love Languages.
What if we said that communication can improve? You’re not so sure? It may very well be that you’re here because you need help and are struggling to understand how to get out of the cycle of negative communication between you and your spouse. In any relationship, it is important to understand how to communicate. What does that look like? Is there such a thing as healthy communication? How does it work?
When you are stressed and anxious, it is helpful to have tools to stay calm and manage your nerves so you can focus and perform well in what you are facing. It’s normal to have trouble relaxing sometimes. Even now your body might feel tense, and maybe even restless. You need multiple tools to help you relax. We have written articles already on tools such as using music and grounding techniques that help improve your confidence and decrease your anxiety. Let’s add another one.
How many of us love music? I remember listening to music with a friend of mine in my bedroom growing up. We pretended to play instruments. We would rock out to the music. When all was said and done, we created a connection and bond that only grew when we heard these songs later. I can still remember those songs and when I hear them today I think about my friend.
After providing marriage counseling for a number of years, I have seen and heard many stories. You could say there is not much I have not heard. However, I am sure there are still stories that would make me cringe. It’s impossible to hear it all, even for a therapist. I rarely react anymore. Probably because I have likely become desensitized to these types of stories. What I have learned through these stories is that couples face challenges and they often don’t know how to deal with them. Sometimes they don’t even know what the core problems are.
Anxiety is a very normal part of being human. What is not normal is when it gets you stuck in a pattern that is dysfunctional and keeps you from doing important things. When has your fear or anxiety held you back? I know it’s frustrating and you need help when it comes to getting unstuck and getting your life back on track. Would you like some tips on how to deal with your anxiety?
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