When someone you love decides to start therapy, it can be both encouraging and intimidating. You care about this person, so you are probably proud of them for taking this huge step and happy to see them prioritizing healing and growth. You may also feel intimidated or uncertain about how to best support your friend or loved one. Here are ten ways you can encourage your loved one and show them that you care about and support them as they embark on this new journey.
1. Recognize the Courage It Took to Begin Therapy
For many people, starting therapy is a difficult decision. Therapy is a powerful tool for healing and growth, but it is also deeply personal, vulnerable, and sometimes challenging. Starting therapy often requires one to confront their own stigma or assumptions of therapy, challenge their denial, or simply find the energy and motivation to make the first appointment. All of this is difficult when it’s unnatural to admit our own struggles.
Acknowledging the bravery it took to make this decision can go a long way in making your loved one feel validated. You don’t have to prepare a speech, but simple statements like “I’m proud of you for taking this step,” or “That must have taken a lot of courage,” can be a great encouragement. Helping your loved one feel validated helps them see that choosing to start therapy is a strength, not a weakness.
2. Respect Their Privacy
You’re probably curious about how the therapy experience is going for your loved one and may want to know what they talked about or discovered about themselves, especially after their first few sessions. It’s important to remember that therapy is confidential, and although you may mean well, your loved one is not obligated to share everything about therapy with you. They may choose to share some details with you, but that should be their decision and only their decision. It’s best to avoid pressuring them to disclose more information to you than they’re comfortable with.
Your first instinct may be to ask things like “What did you talk about today?” Instead, ask a more open question like “How are you feeling about your session?” This will let them know you care, while leaving the option of how much they share up to them.
3. Be Patient With the Process
Therapy is not usually a quick fix, although even therapists hope we can provide quick results and answers to your struggles. As someone on the outside, you may want to see immediate results, especially if your loved one is struggling or impacting your own life. But it’s important to remember that meaningful change takes time.
Remind yourself, and your loved one, that healing is a journey. Celebrate small victories with them. That may include them setting a new boundary, showing self-compassion, or simply sticking with their sessions consistently. Patience and encouragement from you will help create a safe space for them to grow.
4. Avoid Playing the Role of “Therapist”
It’s tempting to give advice or want to solve their problems, especially if you see your loved one in pain. But remember, they already have a professional guiding them. Your role is to be a supportive companion, not a second therapist. Their therapist has years of experience and knowledge of how to help your loved one that you likely don’t have (unless you are a therapist yourself).
Instead of offering solutions, focus on listening. Practice active listening by maintaining eye contact, nodding to show understanding, and reflecting or repeating back what you’ve heard. The check to see if your understanding is correct. Phrases like “That sounds really hard,” or “I can see why you’d feel that way,” can be much more supportive and helpful than advice.
5. Normalize Counseling
To help your loved one feel more comfortable in their therapy journey, make an effort to treat counseling as a normal and healthy part of life, much like a dentist or doctor’s appointment. Try to avoid making it seem like it’s weird or unusual to go to a therapist.
You should respect their privacy by not telling others that they are going to a counselor, but also don’t treat it like it should be a secret. You can casually mention therapy in personal conversations with your loved one, while still being sure to let them decide who else they want to tell.
6. Educate Yourself About the Therapeutic Process
Make an effort to learn more about therapy and the therapeutic process. If your loved one has shared with you the reason or issue they are seeking counseling for, such as anxiety or depression, educate yourself on that specific issue as well.
You can read articles, books, listen to podcasts, or even attend educational workshops. You don’t have to be an expert, but understanding more about what your loved one is struggling with can make you a more compassionate and informed support for them.
7. Respect Their Boundaries
One of the biggest and most important parts of the therapeutic process is learning to set healthy boundaries. As your loved one learns to do so, they may say “no” more often, ask for space when they need to process something, or change some of the dynamics of your relationship. It may feel uncomfortable for you or seem like they are pushing you away, but it’s actually a sign of healthy progress.
Sometimes the word boundary may start to feel like a bad word, but it’s not! Respecting your loved one’s new boundaries can be a powerful way to show them your support and respect. Try not to see these changes as rejection, but rather as your loved one practicing the skills they’ve learned in therapy for their well-being and a healthier connection with you.
8. Take Care of Yourself, Too
As you support your loved one’s therapy journey, your own emotions may be challenged. You may find yourself feeling helpless or frustrated by the changes in your relationship dynamics or the progress they are making. It’s important for you to practice your own self-care.
Make time for your favorite hobbies, supportive people in your life, or even your own counseling. By looking after your own well-being, you’ll be in a stronger place to support your loved one without becoming burnt out. The stronger you are, the stronger the relationship is!
9. Encourage, Don’t Pressure
Sometimes, people in counseling may feel discouraged or want to quit. Remember that it can be a long, arduous process. While it’s helpful to remind them why they started, it’s also important not to pressure them. Encourage consistency, but recognize that going to therapy is ultimately their choice.
Instead of saying things like, “You can’t quit,” you could instead say something like, “I know this is a hard journey, but I’ve seen how strong you are. I believe in you.” Encouragement can uplift and empower your loved one, but pressure can cause resistance towards you and to continuing therapy.
10. Celebrate Growth Together
When your loved one has a breakthrough or makes positive changes, make sure you celebrate that! You don’t need a party, but offering a smile, a hug, or simply acknowledging what they’ve accomplished is a great way to show your support.
Celebrating their growth with them encourages your loved one to continue with their progress and shows them that you are invested in their journey. You are reinforcing positive change each time you celebrate with them.
Final Thoughts: Walking Beside, Not Ahead
Supporting your loved one in their therapy journey is about walking beside them as they progress, not pulling them along behind you. Supporting them is about being patient, compassionate, and present, while still respecting that the therapeutic process is a deeply personal journey. Your role in their journey isn’t to fix them or direct them. Your role is to offer encouragement, empathy, and acceptance, so that you can create an environment for them where healing and growth can take place.
Therapy is their personal journey, but your support can be a vital part of their success. By showing your loved one understanding, respecting their boundaries, and nurturing their trust, you are not only helping your loved one, you’re strengthening your relationship, too. If you also want to find your own counselor or your loved one is trying to find a counselor, check out our article about how to find the right counselor.
