Among the five love languages, acts of service may be the easiest love language to perform. This is because ANY act done with intentionality and thought can make a person who has this primary love language feel appreciated and loved. Although, it’s not that simple, because just doing ANY act of love, doesn’t necessarily translate to a person feeling loved.
Recently, several of my new clients have come to me highlighting that they are struggling with specific areas in their life where they feel stuck. As I have been working with them, the topic of habits has regularly arisen in our conversations. These conversations reminded me that our tendencies play a huge role in the outcome of most things we do. Yes, other factors affect our daily lives, such as the environment, other people, specific circumstances, and more. But it’s amazing how our consistent patterns of behavior and choices play a large role in our successes and when we fall short of our aspirations.
Have you ever been given a gift you loved? How did you feel? I bet you were elated and felt warmth all inside you. You knew the person giving the gift knew what you liked. What about the times you received a gift that you didn’t want? How did you feel then? I know I have felt upset. I even asked myself, “Does this person even know me? Surely this is a prank.” But it wasn’t! Gift-giving is important and is a great way to show people you love them and how much you prioritize them.
Picture this. Your friend calls you and you haven’t spoken to him in a while. When you get off the phone, your wife has that look on her face. She’s probably mad or agitated at you. You’re not sure why, but you kind of know. You spent an hour on the phone. But why does she care so much? It’s just your best friend from high school. It’s been a little while since you have talked to him. You wonder why she is always upset at you.
Emotions can be complex. They can take us on a ride we don’t want to be on sometimes. The ups and downs can be exhausting and confusing. Some of us stuff our emotions so deeply that we don’t even recognize their signals or significance anymore. Maybe our past experiences with family, friends, or even church have led us here. Understanding and untangling our emotions takes both time and lots of effort.
Have you ever wondered why you just can’t connect to your spouse? Or maybe they are acting differently? They don’t seem happy and are not interested in doing much. Maybe your husband is more angry and irritable lately. Or your wife is crying more than usual and expressing more fear or anxiety throughout her day.
As we have discussed in a previous post about the 5 Love Languages, love languages can give insight into how you and your partner give and receive love. This time we will specifically discuss quality time, and 3 tips on how to prioritize your partner whose primary love language is quality time.
Have you ever given your partner a gift, but they just didn’t seem too excited about receiving it? Maybe you felt disappointed that they did not react more enthusiastically. Or have you ever gotten frustrated because you want to go out and do something together, while your partner doesn’t seem to make an effort to create quality time together?
Well, these scenarios might be happening because you and your partner don’t fully understand each other’s love languages. A great resource for this topic is Dr. Gary Chapman’s book The Five Love Languages.
After providing marriage counseling for a number of years, I have seen and heard many stories. You could say there is not much I have not heard. However, I am sure there are still stories that would make me cringe. It’s impossible to hear it all, even for a therapist. I rarely react anymore. Probably because I have likely become desensitized to these types of stories. What I have learned through these stories is that couples face challenges and they often don’t know how to deal with them. Sometimes they don’t even know what the core problems are.
Many of us want to be reassured that what we are about to embark on will be worth it. You research and pull from various resources to find as much information to determine if something is going to give you the best outcome. Reviews are everywhere! You can’t tell me that you aren’t looking up reviews for that new place to eat or that thing you wish to buy. Why would it be any different for marriage counseling?
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