(If you find yourself reading this after Thanksgiving, don’t fret, it can still apply to you! Read on!)
I’ve been thinking a lot about families lately, maybe because the holidays tend to bring out both the best and the hardest parts of who we are. Over the past few weeks, several people have sat across from me in my office and said something like, “I’m already stressed about Thanksgiving.”
Honestly, I’ve felt that in my own life at times. I can remember one Thanksgiving years ago when I walked into a family gathering hoping for peace, only to feel tension in the room that had nothing to do with the turkey. So if you’re feeling a mix of excitement and anxiety, you’re not alone.
For some families, Thanksgiving is warm and grounding. For others, it’s full of unspoken expectations, old wounds, and the pressure to act like everything is fine. No matter where your family lands, there’s something important to remember.
Gratitude is more than a holiday moment. It is a practice that can shift the emotional atmosphere of a home. And anyone in the family line can be the one who introduces it.
You do not have to come from a “grateful home” to create one.
Why Gratitude Matters Across Generations
Every generation brings something different to the table.
Children learn empathy and emotional awareness as they notice and name what they appreciate.
Teens gain perspective, which is usually in short supply when life feels overwhelming.
Parents grow in connection with their kids and each other.
Grandparents experience meaning as they see their influence passed down.
In therapy, I’ve watched gratitude soften conflict, help couples reconnect, and open doors that had been shut for years. When gratitude is shared across generations, it creates unity even when everything is not perfect.
1. Share Family Stories, Even the Familiar Ones
Most families have stories that get told on repeat every holiday. Some are funny, some painful, and some are unexpectedly meaningful. When I talk with clients, I’m always surprised by how often someone will say, “I never knew that about my grandmother,” or “That story helped me understand why my dad is the way he is.”
Stories of struggle teach resilience.
Stories of blessings teach appreciation.
Stories of faith remind us that God has been present through every season.
This year, try asking simple questions:
• What did you not have growing up that you appreciate now
• What did raising a family teach you
• What blessings have you seen through the years
Younger family members gain perspective, and older ones feel valued. Sometimes listening is one of the most healing gifts you can give someone.
These conversations do not have to be formal. Some of the best stories come out while chopping vegetables or cleaning up after the meal.
2. Build Gratitude Into Your Daily or Weekly Rhythms
Rituals give families a sense of rhythm and stability. When gratitude becomes part of those rhythms, it naturally strengthens connection.
Here are a few ideas that work well:
The Gratitude Jar
Place a jar in a common space and let everyone drop in notes throughout the month. I know families who read them at Thanksgiving, and it often becomes one of the most meaningful moments of the day.
Appreciation at Dinner
Take a minute each night for each person to share one good thing from the day. I’ve seen this practice completely transform the tone of a home over time.
Seasonal Gratitude Projects
Some families enjoy making a thankful tree or keeping a shared gratitude journal. It doesn’t have to be fancy to be impactful.
3. Practice Intergenerational Appreciation
Most families are not used to expressing appreciation directly. Many people tell me in session, “We never talked about feelings growing up,” or “It feels awkward to tell my dad I appreciate him.” But once they try it, the shift is noticeable.
Here are a few ways to begin:
I Appreciate You Because Notes
Short handwritten notes can go a long way. Leave them on pillows, mirrors, or plates.
Gratitude Interviews
Pair a child or teen with a grandparent and have them share something they appreciate. I’ve watched this simple exercise bring people to tears in the best way.
Appreciation Circle
At family gatherings, give each person a chance to share one sentence of appreciation. Keep it simple so no one feels overwhelmed.
4. Adults: Your Influence Sets the Tone
Children watch everything, especially when emotions are high. Gratitude is caught more than taught.
You model it when you:
• Say thank you for small, everyday moments
• Speak kindly about others
• Choose patience when the day goes off track
• Notice blessings even when things feel stressful
• Show generosity in small acts
I often remind parents in session that consistency matters far more than perfection. You do not have to get it right every time. You just have to stay committed.
5. Make Gratitude Part of Your Family Identity
Every family becomes known for something. Some are known for humor, some for chaos, some for deep faith, and some for tension. You get to decide what you want your family to be known for moving forward.
Here are some questions that can help shape that identity:
• What strengths do we see in each other
• What blessings have we experienced recently
• What do we want the next generation to remember about us
Some families even choose a theme for the year, such as gratitude or kindness, which becomes a guiding value as life unfolds.
Gratitude as a Legacy
Creating a culture of gratitude does not mean pretending everything is perfect. It means choosing to notice the good, even in difficult seasons. It means speaking appreciation, valuing people, and allowing connection to grow over time.
Gratitude strengthens marriages, deepens parent-child relationships, and builds resilience in children and teens. I have watched it bring healing to families that once believed change was impossible.
If the holidays feel heavy or complicated this year, you are not alone. And if your family needs help navigating stress or conflict, our team at Legacy Marriage Resources is here to support you.
Happy Thanksgiving from our family to yours. May gratitude take deeper root in your home this year.
