Goal: Normalize the discomfort couples feel when trying to pray together and identify practical ways to move past it.
Introduction
Prayer is an important action for those of us who believe in God. For centuries, people have relied on prayer. It’s how we cry out for help when we don’t know what to do or when our options feel limited. There are many reasons to pray, and prayer can have amazing impacts on those who practice it.
So, when it comes to praying together, you might think it would have an even greater impact than praying alone. After all, we see examples of corporate prayer throughout Scripture, like when the disciples gathered together in the upper room between Jesus’ ascension and Pentecost (Acts 1:14). Churches, Bible study groups, and families all practice group prayer. Yet when it comes to praying with your spouse, it often feels awkward.
In our last article, 3 Simple Ways to Start Praying Together Without Feeling Awkward, we discussed how to take those first steps. Today, let’s talk about why praying together can feel uncomfortable. You’d think it would come naturally. You already share your thoughts, your worries, and your life with your spouse. But for many couples, it’s surprisingly difficult.
Prayer reaches into the deepest parts of our hearts, which is what makes it so beautiful and also what makes it intimidating. When we pray with others, we’re suddenly vulnerable. And that vulnerability can feel scary. So instead of risking that feeling, we often avoid praying together. Let’s look at a few reasons why and what you can do about them.
Barrier 1: Different Faith or Comfort Levels
People are different. That seems simple, yet it’s profound. We all have different levels of faith, comfort, and experience. Have you ever prayed out loud before? If not, you probably feel more uncomfortable than someone who has done it before.
Personality also plays a role. Extroverts often gain energy from being around others, while introverts may feel drained by it. Someone with social anxiety may worry about what others think, which adds extra tension to praying together.
Another common situation is when one spouse feels less spiritually mature or less experienced in prayer. They might judge themselves harshly or feel inadequate. Meanwhile, the more experienced spouse might feel frustrated because they desire that deeper connection.
What to Do About It:
Couples can approach faith differences without judgment by acknowledging discomfort and expressing empathy, validation, and compassion. It’s normal to feel uneasy when trying something new. Affirm each other’s efforts and remind one another that love and grace come first.
Try easier ways to start. Pray short gratitude prayers or spend some time in silent reflection to ensure you both feel comfortable. Shift your mindset from comparison to companionship. You’re both loved, and this is an opportunity to grow together in your faith.
Research supports that couples who share spiritual practices tend to report higher levels of marital satisfaction and emotional connection (Uecker, Luckhaupt, & Wilcox, 2022; Mahoney, 2013).
Barrier 2: Fear of Judgment or Performance Anxiety
Many people worry they’ll say the “wrong” words or be judged by their spouse. Prayer becomes performance instead of connection.
This fear is often tied to performance anxiety, the inner pressure to “get it right.” You might think, What if my prayer sounds silly? What if it’s too short? What if I say something wrong? Those thoughts can make prayer feel like a test rather than a relationship.
The truth is, prayer doesn’t have to be perfect. Jesus gave us a model for prayer: the Lord’s Prayer (Matthew 6:9 -13). It’s not a script to recite mindlessly. It’s a template to guide us in sharing what matters most to our hearts. Reciting the Lord’s Prayer is valuable when it’s sincere, but Jesus’ intent was to show us what is really important and whether our hearts reflect God’s love and desires..
Being vulnerable in prayer mirrors emotional intimacy in marriage. Just as you grow closer by being honest about your feelings, prayer invites you to do the same with God and with each other. The more vulnerable you are, the deeper the connection becomes (Focus on the Family, n.d.).
What to Do About It:
When you pray together, make it safe and supportive. Respond graciously and lovingly. Encourage, don’t correct. Try saying things like, “I liked how you prayed about that,” or “It helped me when you said…”
Remember, Scripture reminds us that “The Spirit helps us in our weakness… we do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.” (Romans 8:26, NIV). God knows your heart even when your words stumble. Focus on connecting, not performing.
If this feels familiar, revisit 3 Simple Ways to Start Praying Together Without Feeling Awkward for simple, low-pressure ways to begin.
Barrier 3: Lack of Habit or Practice
Awkwardness often comes from unfamiliarity, not a lack of faith. Without rhythm or routine, prayer feels forced or unnatural.
Think about learning something new. When I first seasoned my new griddle, I read the instructions, watched videos, and still felt nervous. I didn’t want anyone watching me in case I messed up. That’s exactly how new habits feel, awkward at first, but easier with repetition.
The same is true with prayer. You may feel anxious or unsure the first few times, but with practice comes confidence. Relationship experts at The Gottman Institute emphasize that consistent rituals, like shared prayer, help couples build connection and security over time (The Gottman Institute, n.d.).
What to Do About It:
Start small—just one or two minutes a day. Choose a consistent time, like before bed, over dinner, or during your morning coffee. Make it realistic and achievable for both of you.
You already have habits in your relationship: checking in, showing affection, and expressing gratitude. Prayer can become another loving rhythm that strengthens your bond.
Barrier 4: Emotional Distance or Unresolved Conflict
It’s hard to pray together when there’s tension or unspoken hurt. Prayer requires vulnerability, and it feels unsafe when conflict is unresolved.
If you’ve argued recently or feel disconnected, praying together may feel impossible. You might think, I don’t even want to talk right now, let alone pray. That’s normal. But prayer can also be a bridge back to closeness.
What to Do About It:
First, check if there are conflicts that need to be addressed directly. If you need help resolving them, consider seeking counseling. Don’t let resentment linger.
When possible, pray anyway. Ask God to help you reconnect, to see each other through His eyes, and to offer forgiveness. Start silently if needed, or focus on gratitude prayers until words feel natural again. Sometimes, praying for your spouse softens your heart toward them.
Research indicates that shared spiritual practices, including prayer, can lead to increased forgiveness, empathy, and relational stability among couples (Mahoney, 2013; Pew Research Center, 2016).
Other Common Reasons It Feels Awkward
It’s not uncommon to feel awkward when trying something new. Here are a few other reasons couples struggle with praying together:
- Past negative experiences with prayer or rigid traditions
- Feeling unworthy or unsure whether God listens
- Different denominational or cultural prayer styles
- Personality differences—one spouse is more verbal, the other more private
- Busy, exhausted schedules that make quiet time hard to find
Which of these do you relate to most? Take time to acknowledge and talk about them together. Naming these struggles removes shame and invites compassion and grace.
Closing Encouragement
Awkwardness is normal—it doesn’t mean you’re failing spiritually or relationally. Talk about your concerns, encourage each other, and practice patience and consistency. Laugh through the process if you can!
Prayer is about connection, not performance. Start small, stay consistent, and allow God to deepen your closeness as you grow more comfortable together.
References
Focus on the Family. (n.d.). When two pray. Focus on the Family. Retrieved September 12, 2025, from https://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/when-two-pray/
Mahoney, A. (2013). The spirituality of us: Relational spirituality in the context of family relationships. Religion Compass, 7(1), 1–16. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1751-9004.2012.00439.x
Pew Research Center. (2016, October 26). Religion in marriages and families. https://www.pewresearch.org/religion/2016/10/26/religion-in-marriages-and-families/
The Gottman Institute. (n.d.). 5 rituals to reconnect in your relationship. https://www.gottman.com/blog/5-rituals-reconnect-relationship/
Uecker, J. E., Luckhaupt, S. E., & Wilcox, W. B. (2022). Spousal religiosity and relationship quality: A longitudinal analysis of married couples. Scientific Reports, 12(1), 12003. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-022-15650-4
Continue the Journey
If praying together still feels uncomfortable, you’re not alone. Every couple learns at their own pace, and what matters most is that you keep showing up together before God.
If you haven’t already, start with our first article in this series:
👉 3 Simple Ways to Start Praying Together Without Feeling Awkward — learn how to take those first small steps with confidence. And when you’re ready to go deeper, don’t miss the next post:
👉 5 Creative Ways to Pray as a Couple (That Actually Work) — discover fun and meaningful ways to keep prayer fresh, consistent, and connecting.
