5 Practical Actions to Take When Your Marriage Feels “Blah”

 

Life can get busy. After marriage, many things can happen. Unexpected things! Sometimes it’s self-inflicted. Other times life just throws us curve balls. It shouldn’t really be a surprise when a marriage gets stale or stuck. However, as counselors, we have so many couples come to us because of this problem. It makes us wonder why many more aren’t coming because, from my experience and understanding, lots of couples struggle with a lack of intimacy, affection, or the dreaded roommate paralysis. 

In this post, if you are feeling disconnected and “blah” in your relationship or marriage, I want to give you 5 practical actions you can take to make your marriage passionate and enjoyable again. That doesn’t mean there won’t be times of stress and struggle. It will take work! Let’s first look at some of the reasons couples get stuck in their relationship. There are many!

Reasons couples get stuck in relationships

At Legacy Marriage Resources we see many couples due to our focus on relationships. They come in with all sorts of issues. We take time at the beginning of counseling to not only hear what they want to see in their marriage (their goals), but also to dig into the reason why they arrived at the staleness or stuck place that they are going through. The following are some of the reasons that we find couples have gotten stuck.

1. Couples get stuck because of stress that comes from their careers, in-laws, finances, intimacy concerns, parenting situations, and more.
2. Couples get stuck due to decreased intentional effort towards each other. 
3. Couples get stuck because they have conflict and do not have the skills to resolve their conflict, which leads to lingering resentment, hurt, bitterness, and disconnection.
4. Couples get stuck because they fall into predictable patterns or routines that do not lead to connection.
5. Couples get stuck due to communication issues and lack of understanding each other’s needs. 

There are many other nuances and overlap to why couples get stuck in their relationships. Another post would be needed to cover those thoroughly. However, we want to focus on how to get unstuck in this post! So let me share with you 5 practical actions you can take to go from “blah” to “Ahh!”

Practical Actions to Get Unstuck and Create Connection in Your Marriage

1. Find out what your spouse likes.
2. Do one thing a day that is spontaneous and brings fun into the relationship.
3. Schedule a time for you to talk about how you feel about each other.
4. Snuggle on the couch and tell your spouse the things you like best about them.
5. Plan a trip together and use it to plan how to have a more enjoyable life together.

Challenge for Couples Who Desire More Connection

After reading this post and reading these simple, practical tips, I challenge you to take some time and work through each practice action I listed above. Go to your spouse and ask them when is a good time to sit down and talk about what they like. Then do your due diligence to write them down and ask questions about each like. Be curious and tune in to why that is important to them.

Second, make sure you are having fun. Sometimes being spontaneous is exciting. There are some obvious caveats to that, but create time and enjoyment together. Affection and fun increases our desire for more of the same with each other. 

As you go through each day, look back at the list above and measure how you are doing and if there are things you can add. Let’s build less “blah” relationships! Don’t forget to manage your own stress well, set healthy individual boundaries, and plan well! You can do it!

Conclusion

There are many more things than this that can be done to help you get unstuck. I only wanted to give you something to get started. It’s short and simple without muddying the water. These action steps can help you start the engine of your relationship to get it out of the mud. There are some times where you will have roadblocks especially if there is hurt or conflict. For now, seek help. Reach out to a counselor. If you want to work with one of our counselors, please call our office and our wonderful admin will schedule you with our experienced relationship therapists.